Prime Minister Narendra Modi recently interacted with students at Sunder Nursery, New Delhi, on the 8th episode of Pariksha Pe Charcha. During an informal discussion, he discussed a variety of topics that touched upon nutrition, wellness, time management, managing pressure, and leadership.He distributed sweets made from til (sesame), a traditional wintertime food that keeps the body warm. Nourish to Flourish: Importance of Nutrition.

The topics and the message are universal, and this will apply very well for the students living in the US as well as all over the world.

PM Modi talked on nutrition, highlighting the UN declaration of 2023 as the International Year of Millets at India’s suggestion. He emphasized healthy eating, urging students to consume seasonal fruits, avoid junk food, fried items, and processed flour (maida), and adopt mindful eating.
He advised students to chew food a minimum of 32 times and sip water in small amounts to facilitate digestion. Drawing the example of farmers, he recommended a heavy breakfast and an early dinner before sunset for sustained energy levels and excellent health overall.

Wellness & the Role of Sunlight
Speaking of health, PM Modi clarified that disease-free does not always imply health. He stressed the need for good sleep and encouraged children to bathe in the morning sunlight, as the sun is an essential source of vitamin D. He also recommended deep breathing beneath a tree in the morning to increase oxygen flow.

Mastering pressure and staying focused
PM Modi conceded that society has a tendency to impose undue pressure on students, especially in the context of board examinations. He dismissed the notion that scoring low marks is tantamount to failure in life and instead advised students to focus solely on their studies, just as a batsman would on the ball when playing cricket.
He urged students to continue to challenge themselves by establishing personal goals and competing with their own past performances rather than being influenced by extraneous factors. He emphasized mental discipline and clear decision-making.

The Art of Leadership
When asked about leadership qualities, PM Modi remarked that leadership is by example, not by issuing instructions. He underlined that leaders must practice what they preach and cited an example—unless someone who talks of cleanliness also keeps his or her surroundings clean, such a person can never be a leader.
PM Modi also emphasized the significance of teamwork and patience, stating that true leadership involves understanding team challenges and helping members overcome them. He compared leadership to a child holding a parent’s hand in a crowded fair, where the child feels secure. Similarly, a leader should instill trust and confidence in their team.

Beyond Books: 360° Growth
PM Modi dispelled the myth that success is measured by academics only. He asked students to get involved in extracurricular activities, as they assist in all-round development. He appealed to parents and teachers not to restrict kids to academics only, as it could stifle their creativity and development.
He clarified that exams are not the end of the world, and knowledge and learning have to be continuous. He made students do hobbies along with studies, which would make studying more enjoyable.

Finding positives and discovering uniqueness
PM Modi asked the students to develop a positive attitude by identifying and appreciating the good in others. He suggested that instead of searching for flaws, one should acknowledge strengths like a friend being a talented singer or nicely dressed.
He also narrated an inspirational tale of an Ahmedabad kid who was on the verge of being expelled from school due to poor academic performance but later became a robotics genius. He stressed that parents and teachers must identify and nurture each child’s strengths.

Mastering time and overcoming distractions
PM Modi emphasized time management since every individual receives the same 24 hours, yet successful people utilize their time wisely. He advised students to study difficult subjects first rather than procrastinating.
He also discussed distractions, particularly the constant stream of thoughts and mobile phone usage, that inhibit productivity. He advised students to have study goals and check their progress daily.

Living in the present and mental health
PM Modi emphasized staying in the present rather than worrying about the future or the past. He requested the students pause, reflect, and reboot, appreciating small joys in life, such as feeling a gentle breeze.
On mental health, he advised students to say what they feel rather than bottling up emotions. He acknowledged that communication in the family was once an emotional outlet but that modern lifestyles do not permit such communication. He urged students to talk to their family members and say what they feel to get rid of stress.

Following Interests Over Societal Expectations
PM Modi addressed the parental pressure on career choices. He requested parents to develop the innate talent of their wards rather than impose traditional career choices like medicine or engineering.
He cited the instance of Sachin Tendulkar’s success in cricket as a passion-driven achievement and requested parents to take a lesson from it and nurture their wards’ interests rather than comparing them to others.
Getting Self-Motivated
PM Modi stressed the importance of self-motivation, asking students to challenge themselves with small, achievable goals. As a tip, he suggested having goals like covering a distance on a cycle to gain confidence and develop a habit of crossing personal limits.
He claimed to be driven by the 140 crore Indians whom he was serving and asserted that motivation could be found in the simplest of things if one only observed them.

Overcoming Failure
In case of failure, PM Modi reassured students that failing an examination does not mean the end of life. He urged students to use failure as a learning experience, as cricketers use their failure and try to improve their game.
He also highlighted that differently abled individuals often possess exceptional strengths, reiterating that achievement in life is a function of holistic capabilities, not just academic marks.

Intelligent Use of Technology
PM Modi acknowledged that while technology is a powerful tool, it needs to be used productively. He asked students to use technology to explore their area of interest more deeply rather than wasting time on unnecessary things.

Handling exam stress and ecological responsibility.
In order to learn time management skills and how to write concise answers, PM Modi advised students to solve previous years’ exam papers.
He also addressed climate change, commending the younger generation for being so aware. He introduced Mission LIFE (Lifestyle for Environment) and highlighted India’s traditional nature-respecting practices, such as worshiping trees and rivers. He welcomed students to plant trees in memory of their mothers, encouraging responsibility toward nature.

PM Modi concluded by advising students to live in the present, believe in themselves, and always work on bettering themselves. He stated that exams are merely a phase of life, and success is achieved through the development of personal abilities, positive thinking, and being self-motivated.

Have you ever felt like you’re in a never-ending battle trying to get your kids to put down their screens or say no to junk food? You know it isn’t great for them, but when you try to set some limits, all hell breaks loose! And then, not only are you dealing with a full-blown meltdown, but you’re also left feeling like a crappy parent and secretly wondering if your kids are out to get you. Trust me, if you’ve been there, you’re definitely not the only one!

The good news is that establishing and enforcing boundaries can help you navigate these challenges and restore harmony in your household. When you implement boundaries correctly, it’s not just about resolving the immediate conflict; it’s also an incredible opportunity to help your kids build resilience.

To create effective boundaries, it is essential to first clearly define our role and our children’s role within the family structure. As parents, it’s our role to ensure our children’s safety, and our age and experience equip us to fulfill this crucial role. Our children’s primary role is to communicate their emotions freely with us. Once we grasp these distinct roles, the process of setting and maintaining boundaries becomes more straightforward and intuitive.

When setting a boundary, one key thing to remember is that your boundaries shouldn’t depend on your kids doing anything. There’s a big difference between making requests and setting boundaries. When you make a request, your kids might go along with it, or they may not. But boundaries? They’re different. Boundaries are all about you taking action, not waiting for your child to do something.

Let’s say you want your kid to stop watching TV because they’ve already reached the daily limit you’ve set. The way to enforce this boundary is by turning off the TV or taking the remote and turning it off yourself. Repeatedly asking your child to turn off the TV is about as effective as trying to convince a squirrel to give up its acorn stash – it’s a losing battle that will likely lead to frustration and tension for both of you.

When you turn off the TV, brace yourself for a rollercoaster of emotions from your kids. They might get upset, mad, or sad. You might hear them crying, screaming, or complaining. And here’s where you have to step up and do something crucial: validate their emotions. Let them know that what they’re feeling is totally normal and that you’re there to support them.

You might say something like, “I know you didn’t want the TV to be turned off. I bet you’re pretty upset right now, and I totally get it. I’d probably feel the same way if I were in your shoes. It seems awful, but we can’t watch any more TV.” This step is super important because we want our kids to know that their feelings cannot override the boundary, and the boundary cannot invalidate their feelings. This is also a step that most parents struggle with.

It is difficult for parents to offer support to their kids when they are experiencing difficult emotions. They usually react in one of two ways: either they tell their kid they’re overreacting and dismiss the emotion, or they give in to avoid the meltdown. Sound familiar? Throughout history and in numerous societies, challenging emotions have often been deemed unacceptable or have been suppressed. Our society has had a low tolerance for anything other than happiness and positivity.

When we struggle to listen to our kids or acknowledge their challenging emotions, it can lead them down two paths. Some kids learn to lash out or become aggressive when they’re feeling big feelings. They might explode because, deep down, they feel unheard and unseen, and that unmet need for validation pushes them to the brink.

On the flip side, other kids who don’t feel seen and heard might learn to shut down and bottle everything up. They start to believe that the only way to get attention and approval is by hiding their true feelings and just going along with whatever they’re told. They become little people-pleasers, always putting on a happy face even when they’re hurting inside.

If we really think about it, neither of these outcomes is what we waSetting boundaries for kids, Screen time limits for children, Managing children’s screen time, Junk food limits for kids, Enforcing boundaries with children, Effective parenting strategies, Children’s emotional resiliencent for our children as they grow up and become adults. We don’t want them to be aggressive and explosive, but we also don’t want them to be pushovers who never speak their truth. It’s a tough balance, but it all starts with making sure our kids feel heard and validated, even when their emotions are intense or uncomfortable for us to deal with.

Every time you set a clear boundary and stick to it while acknowledging your child’s feelings, you give them a little mental workout. They’re learning that they can handle disappointment, frustration, or anger without falling apart. They’re discovering that their emotions, even the tough ones, are valid and manageable.

Over time, these small moments of emotional resilience start to add up. Your kids begin to develop a stronger sense of self, knowing that they can navigate life’s challenges with the tools you’ve given them. They learn to face their feelings head-on rather than shying away from them or letting them take over.

So, while enforcing boundaries might feel like a battle in the moment, it’s really a gift in disguise. You’re not just solving a problem; you’re helping your children build the mental strength and emotional agility they’ll need to thrive in the long run. And that’s a pretty amazing thing!

About the Author

Namitha Raju is a Certified Master Parent Coach. She coaches parents to develop deep connections and peace in their relationships with their kids. Her company, Beautiful Bonds, is based on the principle that emotional growth, healthy relationships, and personal transformation are the keys to fulfilling parenthood. Dr. Raju received a Ph.D. in Psychology, where she studied early development. As a mom of two kids, she found that her academic experience couldn’t rescue her from her day-to-day parenting challenges! Her curiosity led her to garner the expertise necessary to inculcate deep connections between parent and child. She serves parents virtually throughout the US. If you would like to find out more, please visit https://beautifulbonds.me.

Most of us are aware of the controlling parent and the lenient parent. A controlling parent manages their kids’ behaviors using dominating techniques such as threats, yelling, shaming, sarcasm, or punishments. Parents who use control don’t like it but feel compelled to use it. Moreover, with time, the threats go up in intensity. Otherwise, they don’t work. While this method might produce obedience,
it doesn’t teach kids why the desired behaviors matter. Further, kids learn to find less desirable ways to get the things they want, such as sneaking or lying

Lenient parenting, on the other hand, has its own pitfalls. A lenient parent may decide not to be involved in actively managing kids’ activities (e.g., getting homework done, screen time decisions, junk food) to avoid conflict. They let kids make their own rules! This early and absolute independence can affect kids negatively in the long run. With an underdeveloped brain, kids often cannot make safe or healthy decisions and have a hard time with limits as they grow into adults. 

In today’s age, most parents unconsciously swing between these two parenting styles! Let’s understand how. Even though most of us don’t agree with the controlling style of parenting many of us were raised with, it can be really difficult to invent a different parenting style for our kids. We end up employing a milder version of the same controlling style! We leave out the harsh punishments that were aversive for us, but we find it difficult to get rid of the milder counterparts, such as sarcasm, shaming, or lecturing, which serve a controlling role. And we feel justified in doing so because we think kids need to learn the right way! 

But any form of control inevitably leads to a disconnection from our kids. When the disconnection becomes too bothersome, many parents stop controlling and let the kids take control instead. This shift into a permissive style continues until the parents realize that kids can’t manage on their own, ultimately bringing out the dominant parent once again. 

If you find any of this familiar, don’t fret. Such “pendulum parenting” is more common than you think. More than anything, it is important to realize that these alternating parenting styles we adopt over time are simply coping mechanisms to manage our own emotions! This leads us to the question: What’s the right way to parent? How do we get our kids to listen to us without being dominating or lenient? 

The answer to these questions is a transformational way of parenting that has evolved by diving deep into the world of emotions, feelings, and needs. This new style emphasizes that the feelings and needs of every member of the family matter. The practice of accepting what you are feeling and needing and what your child is feeling and needing allows you to shift your focus from behavior-based parenting to connection-based parenting. When you parent from curiosity and connection, kids are receptive to parents because they don’t feel judged. 

Making the shift from behavior-based parenting to connection-based parenting, however, isn’t easy. It takes practice, patience, and a willingness to mess up! You can start by self-examining your fears concerning your child, expectations from your child, expectations from yourself as a parent, your own disappointments, and your history and conditioning. All this is a lot to unpack, and it can be overwhelming without an objective and trained guide. It is usually helpful to seek structure and support. While this journey toward transformational parenting can be bumpy, I highly recommend it to parents who want to enjoy their parenting and see their kids living fulfilled lives.